Deep Relationship Barriers

If you've heard some of the buzz going around AABC in recent weeks, it is that a new small groups ministry will be launching near the end of March. We're sensing that people feel the need to connect well with one another, to be nurtured and challenged in the context of a small group of close relationships. We're praying for, training for, and aiming for spiritually-transforming life-changing relationships.

In recent weeks, the small group leaders have been gathering and talking about some of the external barriers that we have to forming deep relationships with one another. There is no doubt that we all have internal barriers too (feelings of insecurity, a desire to maintain an image without letting others see the real you, unaddressed sin issues in your life about which you don't particularly care to have someone else challenge you), but I'm a firm believer that the Spirit of God at work in people's lives as they connect together, as they actually just sit down to talk and pray and share life together regularly, can lead to tremendous life-change, especially in the area of some of those internal barriers.

Still, it's those external barriers that just keep us from even getting in the door to start those relationships. These are the barriers that cause people to say, "Oh, I really want to spend some time with and get to know ________ but I just don't think I'll be able to because..." What are some of these external barriers that the small group leaders have come up with?

Lack of Time - We are busy, busy people. Perhaps that is just the nature of life in a fallen world. But for many of us, the solution may simply come down to cutting out of our schedules those things which we can do without so that we can make time for those things which we cannot afford to be without.

For most of us, we cannot not work, so that's why we make time each week to be at our jobs. We cannot not sleep (at least, not for long), so that's why we make time each night to be in our beds. And I would propose that we cannot not be in relationship with God, and we cannot not be in relationship with others. But are we willing to cut out the other things in our life which we can do without to make time for these non-negotiables? That may mean cutting out certain entertainment, aimless web surfing, shopping, or just marinating on the couch - by the way, the national average shows that, over the span of a 65-year life, a person spends 9 entire years of life watching television.

In regards to lack of time there is nothing that I or the small group leaders can do besides pray that AABC would see being in life-changing relationship as vital to their lives and so make the time for it. Pray with us in regards to this for the people of our church.

Too Far To Drive - While we can do nothing about lack of time as an external barrier to relationships, every other barrier we feel we can make an honest attempt at addressing. So, for the average AABC'er who doesn't want to come home from a 45-minute commute just to drive another 45 minutes to get to their small group, we'll be aiming to arrange our small groups based on the neighborhood in which you live. Did you know that a heavy majority of AABC'ers have 5-7 other AABC'ers that live within a 2-mile radius of their own homes?

Childcare - YES. Even for the parents of young children, YES, you too need to be in life-changing relationships with others. You probably feel this need more than others feel it for you. So we'll be working out a system so that individuals in a small group can rotate taking care of the small group members' children for each meeting time. Or perhaps small group X can rotate individuals to take care of the kids in small group Y (and vice-versa) so that nobody would ever need to miss their own small group meeting.

I'll even throw this in there for you... if this barrier is that much of an issue, and none of the above solutions work... I'll even come and babysit your children so that your small group can meet. (That's an offer, not a threat)

We (I and the small group leaders) are pouring our lives into this ministry... because it's worth it. Because life-change happens when the Spirit of God works in the community, and community only happens when people are in relationship with one another. It is in community that people are prayed for, sin is tackled, deep hurts are cared for, love is shown, others can be welcomed, lives are changed, and God is glorified. Pray for it. Be a part of it.

Blessed with New Faces

In recent weeks, it seems that we've been seeing quite a few new faces at AABC. On Sunday mornings, we've seen lots of new visitors—families that have heard about AABC through friends, young adults that have just moved into town, students that are new to the DFW area. And we praise God for a Super Bowl Party at the Tien's on February 4th, during which we got to meet a handful of international students (or former students) of UT Dallas, partnering with UTD's ISI Ministry. And then we even made a new friend who was a walk-on for AABC's Tuesday night flag football team.

It's a blessing to see new faces and meet new people, but it often runs counter to our initial inclinations to initiate meaningful conversation and interaction with these new folks. Here, I've found, are a few good tips...

Don't be uncomfortable! I find that any awkwardness or uncomfortableness that I feel when meeting someone new is easily sensed by the person I'm meeting... and it makes them feel uncomfortable too. Ask the question, "What am I uncomfortable about?" If it has to do with being preoccupied with how this person perceives me—often we desire to maintain some sort of image for other people—then this preoccupation with self may be something that needs to be prayed about and sacrificed to God. If it has something to do with not wanting to get to know another person by listening or learning about them—it's often easier to stick to the friends that we have and not have to invest in other people—then we need to pray for God to continue opening our eyes to His abundant love in order that we might overflow with that same love to those around.

Ask good questions! One of the things I admire about our Missions Pastoral Intern (Avery) is that he often asks such good questions of people. After moving past the initial "So, where did you and your family move from?" types of questions, I can imagine Avery asking questions like, "Have the children in your family been finding it difficult to move far away from their friends and adjust to a new school?" Too often, I simply run through my list of simple questions (What kind of work are you in? How did you hear about our church? Did you know that we have Sunday School classes after service today?) and then let the conversation drift off into oblivion. It sure helps to listen intently to how this new person is responding to my initial questions so that I can know how best to continue the conversation.

Which leads us naturally to the next tip... Listen! I was told not too long ago that so often in conversations, communication breaks down because the participants are too busy thinking of the next thing to say rather than actually listening to what is currently being said. Slow down, and don't feel like you have to be so quick to respond. Make sure that your first priority is to listen well.

Show more than friendliness. Show love. Sometimes we think that all we need to do is just convince visitors that the people at our church are friendly. But we need to go so much further than friendly. Friendly is easy, but Jesus was more than just friendly. Jesus was loving. How, then, can go beyond friendliness and actually show visitors that we love them? For starters, we can take genuine interest in the lives of those we meet. Friendliness means being willing to carry on a conversation for 3 minutes. Showing love means demonstrating genuine care and concern for the person you're talking with, and even looking for ways that you or the church can meet this person's needs.

Let's look to love those who walk through our doors on a Sunday morning, or join us for a get-together at a home, or come out to play football or volleyball with us. You'll run into a few more this coming Sunday, and then next week, and the week after. We are blessed by the opportunity to show love and care for new people. May we be faithful stewards of this blessing.